Finding Letters New Homes

You said you loved me

and then you couldn’t see me

and then



In an artifact unearthed

You wrote you loved me

but really

I was too much

Too much ambition

Too much drive

Too much wanting of too many things

Selfish and naive


Your double years granting you the wisdom

to see who I really was

I should want a quiet life, a steady job, a guaranteed retirement

“leave and cleave”

You reminded me


I want you to know that I tried to do it

“I tried to change, close my mouth more, tried to be softer, prettier, less awake.”**

But I only grew larger, louder, harsher

in his head


How do you change a mirage?


Maybe you’re right

Maybe your words reveal truth

Maybe I could have made myself smaller, less costly, less colorful


Instead, I chose to love myself

I still choose to love myself in radical defiance

of your pleas to love him more

as if love was the thing I was missing


I had it in abundance with no where to go


And now

your words live with his

in a tiny plastic mausoleum

**Warsan Shire


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